Monday, September 12, 2016

Some thoughts on the 15th Anniversary of 9/11.

Evan and Eliana: I love you guys more than you will ever know. I know you probably don't understand that much about today and what it means, not only to me but to the country, and probably the world but September 11, 2001 was a horrible day. I never want you to know how truly bad it was and I close I came to not making it out of there alive. Your father saw and experienced some things that he would rather forget, I was caught up in a really bad and dangerous situation, but the good thing is this; I made it out alive. I survived. Somehow I got out of there. And because of this, the two of you are here, and I could not be more thankful for that. Just know that no matter where my life or job takes me, I will be here for you. I am so happy to be your father.

I really wanted us to be a family together, living under the same roof. I think you both deserve that and then some. But the reality is, is that it is not going to happen. Ever. No family vacations with your Mom and Dad. No nightly dinners going over homework together. No Christmases or any other holidays for that matter with both your parents. And I think that really stinks. It stinks for all of us. I wish things were different but they are not. People can say what they want about me, but the one thing they can't say is that I didn't try. I tried really hard to turn things around and make it work but it's impossible. I want you both to know that I did try to work things out with your mother. I turned my life around, cleaned myself up, got in shape, and made myself the best possible person I can be, but in the end, it wasn't enough.

But know this; as sure as I survived the terrorist attacks on September 11th, I will survive this. I will continue to be the best Dad that I can be to the both of you. I will be with you as often as possible and  be involved in your lives every step of the way. You both deserved better. You didn't get that and I don't think that's it's fair, but it is what it is. Life goes on. Was I to blame? Yes. But I did try really really hard to work things out. You were both so young when things fell apart that you didn't know what it was like to have two loving parents working together and it's a shame. I will keep my promise to move closer to you so you guys can come home from school to Daddy's house whoever you want. You guys at least deserve that. I love you both and I'm so glad to have you in my life. On this day when we mourn the loss of so many lives, I think about how close I came to losing mine, and thank God that I was able to see this day, and to see the both of you grow up.

Someday when your older I'll explained what happened on this day, but for now, I just want you to be young and enjoy life, school, friends, and time with your family, because in the end, that's all that really matters.



Monday, August 15, 2016

The Little Prince

I put this movie "The Little Prince" on for the kids on Netflix the other day and I thought it was a great story. One of the best kid movies I've seen in a long time. At the end of the movie, Eliana said "Daddy's crying," and Evan said "No he's not!" But the truth is, I was. I'm not entirely sure if the old man telling the story to the little girl was actually telling a story about himself and how he lost touch with the little boy inside him, but that's how I interpreted it. I think the trauma I experienced after 9/11 was the catalyst and everything else that happened in-between made me lose touch with the little boy inside of me. Growing up, I always had a vivid imagination, always played, always was creating, building, drawing, playing music, daydreaming, and just generally a happy kid. I see that now in Evan and Eliana. But for me, somewhere along the way, I completely lost touch with that part of me and I didn't even realize it until I saw this movie. I don't know what it is, maybe this is just what happens when you get older. Maybe it's the stress of a nasty divorce and all that's happened over the past few years. I don't know. For the last couple of years, I have had trouble playing with the kids and I hate that fact. It's not how I thought I would be as a father. It's hard for me to let go or reality for a few minutes and just "play" or "pretend." I'm so consumed with bills and making rent that I've completely forgotten how to take the time to have quality playtime with my kids. I'm not saying I don't play with them, because I absolutely do. I just remember how I was as a kid and how I thought I would be as a father are two different things. They're growing so fast that in a few years they won't want to play anymore. They'll want to hang out with their friends and I'll have missed out.  I wish I could get in touch with the kid in me, because I think the kids would really love it. 

Anyway, the movie is really great. 

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Fun HOT Day in the Park

We went and check out one of the other parks in town that we hadn't visited yet. There is a basketball court and an old log cabin. 

We played basketball for a bit then had a lightsaber duel while waiting for our friends to come. Eliana here looking so big and very pretty. 

Eliana on one of the many tree stumps in the park.

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Avalon 2012

Eliana refuses to touch the sand. LOL.

Avalon 2009

Evan now a year old having fun on the beach with his Dad.

Evan's Radio Flyer was perfect for the beach.

Daddy and Evan at Camp Lambert on the beach.

Evan and Daddy

Ice crystal rainbow over Avalon. Strange but I saw one of these in the sky today. (Uncle Frank's truck turning into the picture.)

Brand and Johnny. Cowboy Golf Champions.

Evan and Poppop walking on the beach.

Look at that FACE!

Lifting up Evan was not easy.

Our family in 2009 including Evan, a terrified Lucy, and Elvis. (And Eliana?)

Monday, July 18, 2016

Avalon 2008

Each day this week I'll be posting photos from past visits to the shore house in Avalon.

One of my favorite places to visit, was the Lambert's shore house in Avalon, NJ. This was 2008 and we were so proud of our brand new Orbit stroller and especially proud of our baby boy. Evan was just a little over a month old. Elvis and Lucy came with us, and Frankie was the same age as Evan is now.

Loved taking Evan for walks and Elvis and Lucy always joined us.

Mommy and Evan.

Uncle Ted and Evan.

Ava and Frankie with Evan.