Thinking About You Two

I just wanted you guys to know that I think about you all the time. I miss you guys immensely and your the first thing I think of when I wake up, and the last prayer I say before bed. Every. single. Night. I love you both and can't wait until I see you again.

Love,

Dad.

Summer of 2019 - GONE (152 Days without my kids)

The summer of 2019 should have ended this weekend with me spending it with my kids. Instead, I have seen them ZERO days. This is inexcusable, and in a few months, it may be against Pennsylvania law, punishable by up to 6 months in prison for the alienating parent.

My attempts to ask for the kids go either unanswered or are outright refused, with no explanation. This is parental alienation, plain and simple. It is wrong and I will continue to fight for my parental rights.

I have been in touch with several PA State Representatives regarding parental rights legislation that is being introduced, some re-introduced in the next session of the General Assembly of Pennsylvania.

150 Days

I have been in touch with several (6) members of the Pennsylvania State General Assembly in regards to this matter and have gotten some positive feedback. There are a few House Bills that are going to be introduced in the next session pertaining to parental rights, that if passed, would stop this ongoing parental alienation in it's tracks.

148 Days (My Letter to PA State Rep David M Delloso)

Rep Delloso, I'm a resident of Delaware County and I'm writing to you to ask you (once the house is back in session,) to vote for PA House Bill 508 (Parental Rights,) and PA House Bill 1349, also regarding parental rights.

I feel that these pieces of legislation are crucial to correcting an imbalance in regards to the rights of parents, (mainly fathers,) who have been subject to unjust parental alienation. It is one of the most painful and unjust acts one parent can inflict on another, in the end, it's mainly the children that are hurt as a result, and there's little to no recourse for the parent fight back against it. I feel that both of these pieces of legislation could go a long way in preventing parents from conducting campaigns of parental alientation and pave the way for father's to be more involved in the lives of their children without interference.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope you'll consider voting for both of these bills.

Pete Burke
Lester, PA

127 Days

I haven't spent the day with my kids in 127 days. I have stopped asking because the answer is always no. Your mom is actively trying to keep me away from you guys and I cannot for the life of me see how this is just or fair. Furthermore, I don't see how other adults involved in this situation can stand by and condone this type of behavior. I'm going to continue to fight for your right to be with your father.

123 Days

I haven’t spent the day with you guys in 123 days and you haven’t slept over my house since October. I am trying to see you guys but your Mom is choosing to keep me away from you without giving me a reason.

Evan & Eliana at Balloon Festival 2012

Welcome New Readers!

Thanks for taking the time to check out my "Daddy Diaries." I began this blog back in May of 2008 just before my son Evan was born to document my journey into fatherhood. One of the main reasons in particular was so that my Mom, who was living in Florida and physically unable to travel, could keep up on the latest happenings of their grandkids Evan, and then 2 years later, Eliana. There are over 1,300 posts on this blog that include firsts, birthdays, visits, school, sports, visits to family, etc. All of them positive, that was until parental alienation began. It has been 111 days since I have spent the day with my kids, so forgive me if the tone of the blog has changed in the past few months. I think any father in my situation would have thoughts and feelings on having his kids intentionally withheld from him. I'm no exception. So feel free to scroll down on the right and browse the "Blog Archive." Pick any year, any month, check out the blog, and I think what you'll find is a dad that loves his kids and wants nothing more than to have them in his life.

5 Reasons Why Parallel Parenting is Better Than Co-parenting.

5 Reasons Why Parallel Parenting is Better Than Co-parenting (Huffington Post)

86 Days

We were supposed to be in court today to find out what's going on with me seeing you guys. Of course your Mom's lawyer conveniently had vacation today, which pushes the case another month. I just want you know that I have been actively asking to see you guys, and your mother has either said no, or like this morning, not answered my texts at all. I don't understand how this is fair to you guys. Your mother has accused me in the past of playing games. How this is not "playing games" is beyond me. This is playing games with your right to see your father and have your father in your life. How any adult, friend, family or otherwise can sit idly by and remain silent is something that is beyond my comprehension.

Just know that I am asking to see you and I am being rejected by your mother. I started this blog 11 years ago when Evan was about to be born. Even with the divorce, I never thought it would turn into a journal about parental alienation and a father being systematically and purposely being withheld from seeing his kids. This is a disgrace. I'm sorry your mother is willfully putting you through this.

85 Days

85 days. 85 days since I last spent the day with my kids. Still no explanation. Still no word after supposedly "waiting to hear back from my lawyer," nothing. 78 days sober today and I'm still waiting to hear why my kids are being prevented from seeing me.

77 Days ("Not today, Evan.")

Haven't spent the day with you guys in 77 days. Evan I know you've asked multiple times and get the answer "Not today." Doesn't seem fair to either of you. I was told that "nothing is happening until we go to court at the end of the month." That's another 8 days. We'll be nearly 2 weeks into summer vacation before your mother decides whether or not it's okay for their father to spend the day with you. Unreal.

Father's Day

Your mother is keeping me away from you guys on Father's Day. I really don't even have words. How is this okay? How are other adults co-signing parental alienation?

70 Days

It's been 70 days since we spent the day together. Evan, I asked your mother what plans were for you and Eliana this weekend, and if you could come and go to the gym at Eddie's on Saturday and said "No,"that nothing would happen until after the court date June 28th. By that date we will have not spent a single day together in almost 3 months. I can't imagine a single parent that would be okay with this. This is not right. This is unfair to you guys and is nothing short of abuse. I'm sorry that you are not allowed to see your own father on Father's Day weekend. Just know, that I will continue to fight for you guys.

Love, Dad.

62 Days

I requested via text to see you guys and ask why supervised visits were not being resumed and got no answer from anyone involved. I really don't see why a father would be treated this way. It is unnecessary, uncalled for, and unfair to you guys. Hopefully the courts will stand up for you and resume you guys being able to come over on weekends, the way most normal families operate. Hopefully I'll see you guys soon, but with softball season being over, and no response as to even supervised visits, I don't know when that's going to be.

There are mothers out there fighting to get the father involved in the kid's lives. Fathers who want nothing to do with their kids. I am not that father. I want to be involved in your everyday lives, and I am being turned away.

Hope to see you soon.

61 Days

Worked today but was available to see you after school. I was able to to talk to you on the phone to say goodnight.

60 Days

It's now been 60 days (2 months) since we last spent the day together. Granted, 28 of those days were my fault. I had to go to the hospital to get myself right.

There was something about that day that was so fun, so spontaneous, and so exciting it almost seemed too good to be true. I remember on the drive home after your mother picked you up thinking what a great day it was, but had this sinking feeling that it was, indeed, too good to be true. Turns out it was.

Here we are 60 days later and we have not spent a single day together. My requests to your mother go unanswered and I have not been offered an explanation as to why I am being kept away from you guys. I have a feeling an explanation would be motivated by either spite, irrational fear, or just a blatant desire to keep your father out of your lives.

As Father's Day approaches I am facing the prospect of not seeing you guys. I didn't do anything to deserve this. Why? Because I had a drinking problem? I went to one of the best 28 day recovery programs in the state of Pennsylvania and have come out not only sober but with a new outlook on life. I am 54 days sober and while it is still early in the process, I have never felt better, and do not want to ever go back to that lifestyle. I have an excellent support system with Stacey and she has been 100 percent supportive of my decision to stop drinking. It was a dark chapter in my life and I look forward to living life sober and being the father you deserve.

I can for the life of me understand why another adult will stand up for me. Everyone, including my family just stands by and acts as if this is normal. Not my family, not the courts, no one is speaking up. I will not give up fighting for you guys. Children deserve to have their father in their life. I won't rest until this situation is brought back to normal and that you guys can:

Sleepover my house on weekends
Come down to the beach
Have weeknight visits during school
Go on hikes, bike rides, visit parks.

Everything that your supposed to do with your dad. I will not give up.

Eliana's Softball Game

I saw Evan and Eliana for the first time in 2 weeks today at Eliana's softball game. It was a good game, which they lost by one run, unfortunately ending their season, but Eliana played great. She's hitting the ball consistently and making some good head up plays in the infield. She has good instincts and knows whats going on on the field. She really has come a long way and I'm glad she's still playing. I hung out with Evan for a bit and asked him about his birthday, his birthday presents.

He seemed a little upset that he couldn't come back to my house and doesn't understand why. "Mommy won't talk about it." he said. So, he's knows he can't see his dad, but has been offered no explanation. This is not fair for an 11 year old who wants to spend time with his dad. He's upset. I can see it in his eyes. I asked him what he was doing when he gets home. "Probably nothing." I can see that he's upset. Bored. What kid wouldn't be. Eliana doesn't seem as affected. Although, I do remember her saying during a co parenting session that she wished she had one week with her mom, and one with her dad. 

I have not committed a crime, I have zero DUIs, and as of today, I am 53 days sober. I have no criminal history, no history of violence, nothing. Nothing that would cause one parent to prevent the other parent from seeing the children, yet here we are. It's been weeks. The supervised visits, which are court ordered, have come to a halt with no explanation offered to me. This is in direct violation of the order, and is considered "contempt of court." 

What kind of mother intentionally keeps her children away from their father and offers no explanation? The only motive I can think of is spite. She' s not "protecting" the children. There's nothing to protect them from when it comes to their father. 

I hope that in time, you guys see this for what it is, and that I have been here, wanting to see you, asking to see you, and that when I ask, I don't even get an answer. No father should have to go through this. No kids should have to go through this. 

Tomorrow will be 28 days since I have come home from Eagleville Hospital. I have not been offered even a supervised visit with my children. My requests are met with silence. A judge will not look kindly on this. This is parental alienation. Plain and simple. If it is not against the law, it should be, because it hurts both the parent and this kids, and in this case, it entirely unnecessary. 

To my kids: My door will always be open to you. Always. 

Love, Dad. 

Evan's 11th Birthday

Today is Evan's 11th Birthday. Instead of celebrating it with him, I cannot even get an answer about when the next time I can see my own kids will be. Since I got home from Eagleville Hospital, the only time I've been able to see my kids has been at Eliana's softball games. This does not constitute a parental visit. I cannot spend quality time with my daughter while she is on the softball field. So the only time I get to chat with her is between innings and at the end of the game.

I promised Evan for his birthday that I would take him on an overnight to New York City, so that he can hit some of his favorite stores. I told him that whether it's now, 3,6,9 months or a year from now that I would take him. I kept asking Evan what he had planned for his birthday and he kept telling me "nothing" but I knew something was up. His mom took him to New York City yesterday to all the places him and I were supposed to go to. Truth be told, I'm happy for him! But can't you come up with your own thing for just you and him? You had to take mine? It's infantile.

At any rate. The offer to Evan stands. However this horrific custody battle shakes out, Evan, my offer to you to take you to New York City overnight for your birthday stands. Whether it's now, or in 2026 when you turn 18, you will have a great day in NYC with your father, one to remember. It's a shame I couldn't spend your birthday with you, but just know that I was here, ready, willing, and able to spend your birthday with you.

- Dad

Parental Alienation IS Child Abuse.

https://farzadlaw.com/divorce-and-child-custody/what-is-parental-alienation

Alienating one parent from their children is by definition, child abuse.

From the article from Farzad Family Law:

Parental Alienation and Undermining Authority

"Parental alienation occurs when one parent undermines the authority of the other. In an ideal custodial arrangement, the parents (though living separate and apart), are a united front when it comes to the children's education, safety, welfare and activities.

Unfortunately, that isn't always the case and, in alienation cases, one parent influences the child to believe the other parent's authority is not important and can or should be disregarded.

Undermining authority is a form of alienation because, over time, the perpetrating parent has the child believe that there is a right way of parenting and a wrong way and the "wrong way" by the parent being alienated makes that parent less capable of parenting, the subject of ridicule and far less important in the child's life. The end goal is simple - If children are made to believe one parent does not act in their best interest, they will often rebel against that parent. Bonding and respect are lost and the result can be disastrous if allowed to fester."

Don't like this post? Change the story. Make it better for the kids. There were no problems here at my house or during the dozens and dozens of weekends they spent here in 2017 and 2018. Parental Alienation is terrible for the kids, and in the case of Evan and Eliana, there is no reason for it. When they're old enough to see this for what it is, they are going to be upset that their mother willingly kept them away from their dad with no justifiable cause.

Still No Answer

So I asked your Mom again via text when I could see you guys again and got no answer. I have been home from the hospital for 3 weeks now, and have not been allowed to see you guys. I'm not sure how this is fair to you and I'm sorry that this is happening. It if were up to me, I'd be in your lives every day. With June around the corner, Evan's birthday coming up, and Father's Day, I'm starting to get concerned that your mother will keep you guys from me until after the court date which is not until June 28th.

I was available to see you guys after school today.

"Waiting to hear back from my lawyer."

That's the answer I got today when I asked your Mom about continuing our supervised visits. I'm not sure what her lawyer has to do with me spending quality time with my kids, but I guess we'll find out. I've been out of the hospital for 14 days now and haven't seen you guys besides Eliana's softball games. I miss you guys and can't wait to see you.

Your father was available to see you every day after school and all weekend.

Been home for 1 week.

So I've been home for 1 week now. I sent out a message asking when I could see you guys and your Mom responded "This will be discussed in court." So, your Mom is not allowing me to spend time with you guys, I'm sorry.

Your Dad was available to see you every day this week.

I'm Home.

After 28 days at Eagleville Hospital, I'm finally going home, and could not be happier. It was quite an experience. I was not happy about it at first, but in the long run, it was a much needed break, and it means I'm well on my way to living my life in a healthy and manageable way.

My first few hours home, I was able to go and see Eliana's softball game. It was great to see her after missing her for a whole month. She's doing really well at softball getting on base nearly every time and making some smart defensive plays. Was very proud to see her play today.

Happy 9th Birthday Eliana!

My baby turned 9 today. Tomorrow I'll see her and Evan and we'll get to celebrate. Man, where has the time gone?

Evan checking out his brand new baby sister. 

Evan tried to make her go away be eating her head, but it didn't work.

Then they became buds. 

Then Eliana started growing...

And growing...(Age 1)

And growing...(Age 2)

And growing...(Age 3)

And growing...(Age 4)

And growing...(Age 5)

And growing...(Age 6)

And bigger...(Age 7)

And BIGGER! (Age 8)

Happy 9th Birthday Eliana!

This Snowy Weather Has Me Thinking About Summer

Photos by Evan

Scooby is our 28lb hunk of nothing but pure love. I don't think we've ever met a cat like this. When Evan and Eliana come over to my house, the first "person" they look for is Scooby. He's an expert snuggler, bed hog, and has no problem tricking you into thinking he hasn't eaten in days. He's all about the cat food bowl. 

I think you can see what's going on here. The hourly foo begging ritual. You'd think these cats were starved to death. Like the poor animals on the ASPCA commercials! Yet they fool me nearly every single time. Just give me a can of wet food Daddy!

The classic mirror selfie. 

Scooby portrait by Evan. 

Memories of Dad

Me and Dad, summer of '99.