Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Easter Fun (At night!)

 This turned out to be a lot of fun. We didn't originally plan it this way, but it turned out perfect and the kids had a blast! We had our first Easter Egg Hunt at Daddy's and it was at NIGHT! The kids spent the day with their family and then their Mom brought them over late in the afternoon. They opened their Easter baskets and we watched the new Pee Wee movie again.

We had originally planned to do the Easter Egg Hunt with my neighbor who has a young daughter, but she couldn't make it back before dark, so I went out to hide the eggs at dusk, and the kids came out with flashlights and "finger lasers" to hunt for the eggs once it was dark. Turned out to be a great time and a fun twist on the typical Easter Egg Hunt. It was a bit chilly out and reminded me a bit of Halloween. 

I think there's one in the tree!

Love this pic. Taken using only the flashlight and the ambient light from the back porch. What a great Easter Night. I think we may do this again next year!

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Listen up kids! Do not get married. Ever.

I was trying to keep the tone of this blog positive throughout this whole divorce process, and so far, I think I've done a pretty good job. The posts, although they've been far less often than had things been "normal," have still been strictly about the kids, or my parents. But I learned something in court today. Something that I would like to impart to anyone willing to listen:


If you follow this advice, this may be the best advice you ever get. If you meet someone that grabs your soul, and is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, by all means, be with them! I'm not saying don't date, or don't have a partner for life, but whatever you do, do not go down to the court house and apply for a marriage license, ever. It is the worst possible decision one can possibly make, and until my dying breath, I swear before God I would never advise that either of my children, or anyone else for that matter, that they get married. I will tell them that is an absolute mistake and warn them to avoid it at all costs. I will emplore them put their common sense ahead of their emotions. Trust me, with what I'm going through now, it will save you decades of grief and regret in the end.

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

No Other Way to Say it.

There's no other way to say it: I'm having a really hard time.

Not only with the loss of my parents but with everything: The divorce. Loss of what a family should be. Loss of my best friend. I feel like I've failed at every possible test in life. That I've let down every single person who was important to me, and that no matter what I do, nothing can possibly reverse it.

That's a pretty hopeless place for a person to be in, and I don't think anyone ever thinks of that. I think when you're someone who's made some pretty bad mistakes, you're just vilified and dismissed as someone who will never change or get better. It's a terrible place to be, especially for someone who normally had a happy disposition growing up, and for the first time in my life, I don't have an answer on how to fix things.  When I was a kid, I had this unbreakable spirit. I always felt that I had this undeniable sense of goodness inside, that I was always on the right path, and that I was meant to do great things. I truly believed it. I never wanted to hurt anyone. Ever. I don't feel that way anymore. Obviously, something broke inside of me after 9/11 and it led me on the wrong path and away from the person that I was meant to be. The end result is that I have never felt this alone in my entire life, and it is unfamiliar territory for me, and it is scary. I don't think anyone deserves to feel this level of loneliness and heartbreak. Maybe I do deserve it. Maybe this is just karma playing itself out and I'm getting exactly what I deserve for the way I behaved all those years. All I know is that I never thought things would be this hard. Just getting through the day sometimes seems impossible. I'm really good at putting on a happy face, but inside I am completely shattered.

This sucks.