Monday, September 12, 2016

Some thoughts on the 15th Anniversary of 9/11.

Evan and Eliana: I love you guys more than you will ever know. I know you probably don't understand that much about today and what it means, not only to me but to the country, and probably the world but September 11, 2001 was a horrible day. I never want you to know how truly bad it was and I close I came to not making it out of there alive. Your father saw and experienced some things that he would rather forget, I was caught up in a really bad and dangerous situation, but the good thing is this; I made it out alive. I survived. Somehow I got out of there. And because of this, the two of you are here, and I could not be more thankful for that. Just know that no matter where my life or job takes me, I will be here for you. I am so happy to be your father.

I really wanted us to be a family together, living under the same roof. I think you both deserve that and then some. But the reality is, is that it is not going to happen. Ever. No family vacations with your Mom and Dad. No nightly dinners going over homework together. No Christmases or any other holidays for that matter with both your parents. And I think that really stinks. It stinks for all of us. I wish things were different but they are not. People can say what they want about me, but the one thing they can't say is that I didn't try. I tried really hard to turn things around and make it work but it's impossible. I want you both to know that I did try to work things out with your mother. I turned my life around, cleaned myself up, got in shape, and made myself the best possible person I can be, but in the end, it wasn't enough.

But know this; as sure as I survived the terrorist attacks on September 11th, I will survive this. I will continue to be the best Dad that I can be to the both of you. I will be with you as often as possible and  be involved in your lives every step of the way. You both deserved better. You didn't get that and I don't think that's it's fair, but it is what it is. Life goes on. Was I to blame? Yes. But I did try really really hard to work things out. You were both so young when things fell apart that you didn't know what it was like to have two loving parents working together and it's a shame. I will keep my promise to move closer to you so you guys can come home from school to Daddy's house whoever you want. You guys at least deserve that. I love you both and I'm so glad to have you in my life. On this day when we mourn the loss of so many lives, I think about how close I came to losing mine, and thank God that I was able to see this day, and to see the both of you grow up.

Someday when your older I'll explained what happened on this day, but for now, I just want you to be young and enjoy life, school, friends, and time with your family, because in the end, that's all that really matters.